"Sally Heatherton"

Jake beat me to the punch on blogging this, but I couldn’t resist anyway. I got this comment on my clothesline post the other day:

The rules are the rules. Anyone who doesn’t want to live by the rules can go live in the ugly lowlands.

It was signed "Sally Heatherton" and points to the blog "Marvelous Bend!". Intrigued (I mean, would someone really say such a thing?), I checked out the blog and was utterly incredulous for a minute, and then realized that it’s a fake. Satire. And it’s brilliant! It’s freakin’ brilliant!

Well, maybe not that brilliant, but it’s damn funny. (And sad to say, plausible enough—I actually know someone very much like this.)

Like Jake, I went through searching the web and DIAL and Dex and found nothing.

Almost nothing, that is. It’s not an identity or anything like that, but (up until today) the only result I could get for "Sally Heatherton" on Google (quotes included) was a hit on a character in a book: The Barrow Murder by James Huston. Via Google’s Book Search (that’s good stuff):

I went to the window of a teller I knew at the bank, Sally Heatherton. We had even dated for a short time, until she called our relationship off. "I don’t want to get involved with someone who’s broke all the time," she announced. "A loser. I want to get married to someone who’s a success, who can support me, so I can get the hell out of this teller cage."

I guess the new game around here is "Guess Who Sally Heatherton Really Is."

7 thoughts on “"Sally Heatherton"”

  1. Nice find on the Google Book search. Makes me that much more curious as to who this is. But even if I do find out, I’m not telling so that that person will keep writing, as the blog is hilarious.

  2. I have a theory i’m going to toss out there. i don’t think it’s the work of one person. i think it’s a group of people having some fun, maybe with one main writer. there are about 20 jokes in each post, some over-the-top and some very subtle. plus there’s setup for future posts.

    Sally doesn’t answer posts right away, either. i think the group confers on answering them, because even the responses are funny.

  3. Someone pointed it out on another blog, but I assumed it was a woman, because what man would think of waking up at 2 to pee?

  4. "Someone pointed it out on another blog, but I assumed it was a woman, because what man would think of waking up at 2 to pee?"

    Answer: Most middle aged men do (me included). Several clues were left in Sally’s posts. No doubt you read the ‘other’ blog that contained them.

    So Sally is a character in some obscure book? Sounds like the ‘author’ has access to a lot of books. Maybe someone whom owns a bookstore?

    Just a guess. The other clue is Sally’s description of herself as ‘middle aged’. Another local Blogger describes himself as ‘middle aged’ as well. How many bloggers in the Bend area have described themselves as ‘middle aged’???

    Like most of you, I got a hoot out of it.

  5. Get thee to a urologist and have your prostate checked. I’m 52 and I’ve never woken up to urinate.

    The wife? Twice a night she says. Though never while straddling a neighbor’s shrubbery, I hope.

  6. Al,

    You’re lucky. My prostate is OK.. Just natural for me to unload sometime during the night. Thanks for the feedback.

    BTW, seeing the Doc tomorrow for a checkup.

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